Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
