I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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