3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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