I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The adults are the big ones right?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
