do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
