She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
