he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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