I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize