i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
