I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
