Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
