help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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