Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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