yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
