I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
