I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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