this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
