I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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