Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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