You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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