this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
