So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
