He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
