so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
