He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
