I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
