Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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