Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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