she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
