I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
