i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
