you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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