So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
