can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
