If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
