Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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