I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
