The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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