No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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