Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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