The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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