A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
