i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
