so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
