I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
