Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
