Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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