Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
