You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
