she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
