If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
