She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
