just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
