pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
