yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
