It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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