took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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