i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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