how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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