my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
