Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just saw a hot homeless man
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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