just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize