worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
should my penis look like a turkey
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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