Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
