then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
