Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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