Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
