Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
