If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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