Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
