never play flip cup with pint glasses
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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