his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
