theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
