plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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