But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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