sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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