I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
