By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
