I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
