do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
