had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
