you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
