girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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