Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
