I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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