No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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