so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
