i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize