New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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