I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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