Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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