Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
