She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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