I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We named our party play list daddy issues
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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