If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
