I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Couch. On fire.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
