i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize